Personal challenge

I started a new experiment yesterday and it involves me making some small changes in my life.

Ugh, ok, I will say it… I’m trying to lose some weight. I would like to lose 18lb. That is the weight I was after 4 months of breastfeeding Kaleb and I loved the size I was then. Unfortunately, even though I did a lot of running and bootcamping when I put on a little bit of the weight back, it wasn’t coming off anymore. And I just had to stop doing 6AM boot camp because the general sleep deprivation was not healthy for me anymore and frankly; it was getting in the way of normal life.

For the past 6 months I have sort of fallen off the exercise wagon for a while now and have put on some weight. Now that I’m faced with having to put a swim suit on for 2 separate occasions with people around, I want to see if I will be able to get myself into better shape.

The conundrum here is that I love to exercise, but I also love to be lazy and it does take a significant effort for me to get up at 6AM to go for a run. I also love to eat carbs and sweets; I enjoy cooking and feeding others.  OMG, did you know that a cup of pasta has like 700calories; I mean who came up with that?

This is my plan:
Bike to and from work – 15miles a day mostly against the wind! – 4 days out of the week
Run 6 miles – gradual increase to 3 times a week

I’m using livestrong.com to help me track my calories and my exercise. I would like to lose 1.5lbs a week, which puts me at 1014calories a day without doing any exercise. This is NOT a lot of calories, people.

I don’t really know if this is even realistic for me to do. I have never been one to do any dieting, mainly because of fear of failing. I fear that if I fail this, it will be the ultimate defeating moment of “I told you that you have no will and self control and this is the proof”. And partly because I have a major issue with the very idea of dieting on a fundamental level that society dictates to women what we should look like (very skinny) to be worthy (of whatever), which I’m obviously opposed to because it can take away from our everyday happiness and shift our focus in life.

I have to confess that there has been a lot of times that I pretended to be ok with being a size 6 or 8, but I wished to be a size 4 or 2, simply because I think that I would like myself more then and maybe the whole world would like me better? I do realize that that is a pathetic way of living your life and I try not to let it get to me too much.

I do, however, value health and this is what I’m going to make this challenge about.

Wish me luck!

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